Welcome to the launch party - This is my first post!

Dear Dora,

I have been meeting an increasing number of women who do not like oral sex. But specifically, *receiving* oral sex. Uh - WHAT?!  I know it is nothing personal, because I usually hear about this before the situation even arises. Also, I know it really has nothing to do with my technique – I’ve gotten enough feedback to *know* this.  Personally, I am a guy who really *loves* giving oral sex. It is possibly one of my favorite things to do. So this whole phenomenon is totally killing me here.  But anyway. The question is many-fold:

1) Is there some sort of trend that I am missing here, causing women to increasingly not like receiving oral?

2) It is my opinion that a lot of guys don’t know what they are doing, thus causing women not to like it. How should a guy handle this situation?

3) If a guy really likes giving, and a woman does not like receiving ... how can he convince her to give it a shot? (Without being unnatural/unnerving about it).

Perplexed

Dear 'Plexed,

First of all, I’m right there with you – Uh – WHAT?  Now onto your many-folds:

1)  There’s no trend that I know of…if so I didn’t get the memo.  There is an argument here that some of these women are probably self conscious or maybe sexually oppressed in some way.  But another possibility could be just the opposite of the latter, that they simply achieve orgasms easier during penetration or with manual stimulation, likely both.  They know what they like.    

2)  I think that people in general don’t really know what they are doing with oral sex…hopefully just at first.  After all, we’re dealing with parts that we don’t have (presuming we are straight/bi/whatevs).  The clichéd saying is true – communication is key.  Women have a responsibility to themselves to let the guy know what she likes and when she’s about to cum.  This is important because, as you’ve probably noticed, repetition in your movement typically leads up to the big O.  If you change it up at the last second, the buildup to it can be lost.  You’ve probably also noticed that every woman responds differently to oral stimulation.  So how to handle it?  Make sure she knows that she can be fully candid with you and ask for what she wants.  Some women have probably experienced a bad reaction to that sort of thing in the past.  Make sure she knows how open you are.  It’s a gift, my man. 

3)  Due to the potentially sensitive nature of WHY she doesn’t like oral sex, you have to approach the subject carefully.  I would only press the issue if this is a consistent sex partner who you know well and feel comfortable with.  If you are successful and she goes for it, make sure she knows that you want her to guide you through it.

An afterthought:  A surprising number of American women have never had an orgasm.  At all.  I could write a book about that.  But the point is that they wouldn’t enjoy oral sex if that were the case because they wouldn’t really know how to make the big finish come into play – it totally takes practice.  I’m sure you’ve heard before that women need to be in the right mindset.  It’s very true.  Because of that, in my opinion, women sort of make themselves cum while the partner supplies the ever important means.   I think that if more women looked at it that way, coupled with communication to their partner about how they like it, then orgasm can be achieved much easier. 

For the sake of your preferences, I hope that you ultimately end up with partners who really enjoy oral.  Why deny yourself?

Dear Dora,

So here's a dumb question that my boss was asking me yesterday b/c one of the guys mentioned it...why would you need ky jelly if you're not a senior or have gone through menopause?  I said perhaps the girl gets dry or perhaps they like to do anal?

Am I right?

Dear Right,

You are absolutely right.  Anal sex - absolutely every single time - requires lube.  Trying to do anal without it is bad news. 

Every woman experiences vaginal dryness at some point.  I’ve heard that the pill and other hormone altering medicines can cause chronic problems with this.  I’m sure certain medical conditions, even some that aren’t related to our plumbing, can contribute as well.  I have also found that the duration of the sex is a factor.  I highly recommend to every woman that they not deny themselves lube during a long stretch of penetration.  If you’ve ever experienced pain or soreness after having sex, it’s likely because the juices weren’t flowing as much as the job required.   Also, if a woman’s partner is circumcised, it is especially important to have lube handy.  The ridge of the circumcised penis’ head tends to draw moisture out of the vagina during the outward action.  I also recommend experimenting with different types of lube – flavors, sensations, etc. 

Dear Dora,

After many years of marriage to a wonderful man, I sometimes find myself bored and wanting to branch out.  Not with another man, but perhaps with something rubber and vibrating.  I've never been within twenty feet of a sex shop and don't even know if they HAVE them within two hours of my conservative home town.  So, here's my question:  I understand the internet can provide a private girl with access to many a wondrous thing, but where to start?

kthanx!

O Hai Kthanx,

It’s time to google, girl. I found a good article at spiceygear.com about how to choose the right sex toy for you…good luck in your search!!  Here is the link: NOT SAFE FOR WORK!